Moments of Wonderful

…rather than a lifetime of nothing special. A diabetes blog.

Moments of Wonderful - …rather than a lifetime of nothing special. A diabetes blog.

Doing the right thing

This time of year is not my favorite. Even in Florida, the seasons are changing, it is getting darker earlier, and the temperature is even dropping a little. And as you may have picked up from my last post, I start to really miss my family and wish that I didn’t live 3000 miles away from them.

This year, the gloominess is being combined with a bit of a diabetes ennui. I am mostly doing the right things – but probably not as often and as accurately as I should.

Recent posts about trips to the endocrinologist reminded me that I am behind schedule on that as well. But it is not entirely my fault. Here’s the story.

I have been in Florida for six years and I am on my third endo. I liked my first, but she quit after she got pregnant with twins. Her replacement and I did not get along. He had a bad habit of citing studies that did not apply to me and recommending treatments before he even opened my chart. My third endo is was from a very well respected practice and does a decent job at listening to me and offering suggestions for me management.

A few months ago I received a letter in the mail alerting me that she was leaving the well-respected practice to work at the same practice as my first Florida endo. As a result, they canceled my December appointment and let me know that I would have to call to schedule a new appointment with her replacement.

I slacked on making an appointment because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I like that endo well enough, but from talking to other members of the online community, I think I should expect more from the practice, if I was to stay with it. It is very difficult to get ahold of the doctor between appointments and there is no CDE, dietician, or anyone else who I can contact for a quick consultation. It is a big name practice with very little service.

Then I think about sticking with her in the new practice, and I am not thrilled with that idea either. Other than my old endo, I despised the practice. The other doctors would yell at the nurses in the hallways, and the patient files were stacked behind the front desk sometimes waist high. However, if I see my new endo at the old practice, it would actually be at a different location AND I’ve heard that they’ve changed to electronic files.

All this to say, this decision was the perfect reason for me to not do what I was supposed to do. But, I’m running out of insulin. It was just enough motivation to try to get an appointment before I go home for Christmas. Try. One office had an appointment available in January, the other in February. I will call in my prescription refills and hope for the best.

My ulterior motive in seeing my doctor was to get my A1c drawn. Yes, it is just a number. It doesn’t define me. Blah, blah, blah.

Like it or not, it is the tool we use to determine whether or not our current management is working. And I need to know. So for about the same price as a copay, I am headed to the pharmacy to pick up a home A1c kit. I’m nervous about what it will say but also somewhat hopeful it will be the kick I need.

********************

I wrote most of this post on Saturday afternoon, and after some technical difficulties took my A1c test on Sunday night. If the results are valid, they were .1% different from my last appointment and in a range that the professionals describe as good control.

I feel like the test did the opposite of what it was suppose to do. It’s like I now have permission to continue my so-so control because the results are still working. So now what do I do?

  • Jess says:

    i’m sorry you’re having a hard time, my friend. and i agree with you–it’s just a number, but one we need to know.

    however, i don’t think an a1c in and of itself is enough to inspire us to “get back on the unicorn,” so to speak. it wasn’t for me. i had to decide that it was important for me to take care of myself, apart from all the numbers. and things are going well right now, but i know i’ll deal with burnout again at some point. it comes and goes for everyone.

    we are here to support you in your search for a supportive endo. love you!

    December 5, 2011 at 10:00 am
  • Leah N. says:

    Great post. I am feeling the same about many of the same things. I was told (awhile ago) by my endo that my numbers were doing well & I didn’t have to come in for 6 months (instead of 3). Well, that was awhile ago. It has made me feel like I must be doing “okay” enough to not have to rush back in there anytime soon, and in turn I know my control is not what it once was. I was just thinking last night, I know I’m not a terrible diabetic but I’m not feeling like a super one either, (but it’s been awhile since my last a1c so I really don’t know). I know I need to make all of my necessary dr. appointments today and I’ve been dragging my feet in doing it. I agree with the “it’s just a number, but one we need to know” feeling. I just want you to know that your post encouraged me today. I read your awesome blog, and I sometimes think that most of the “DOC superstars” (like yourself) must have it all together for the most part, and don’t really struggle in the same ways. You never portray yourself that way, you are open and honest and it really encourages me. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that even with these feelings (of making appts, a1c’s, etc.) I am not alone.

    December 5, 2011 at 10:52 am
  • Kim says:

    Great post, Sara. I don’t have the answer to “what do I do now”, but I’ll be here to encourage and prod you if needed. :)

    December 5, 2011 at 11:01 am
  • Stacey D. says:

    It seems like this ennui is going around like the plague ;) Aside from that, I think the only person that can answer that question of what to do now is you. I know things are easier sometimes when we’re told what to do but then we’d never learn from our experiences right? Wishing you the best in sorting things out and I’m here for you!

    December 5, 2011 at 11:26 am
  • Meri says:

    Maybe now you pat yourself on the back and keep taking one day at a time. Give yourself some time to be proud of yourself! You are in good “control” without being obsessive…that is something!

    I’ve been putting of a dentist appointment for the same reasons. I’m not a big fan of change…and I’m especially not a big fan of dentists!

    December 5, 2011 at 6:00 pm
  • Colleen says:

    Finding the right endo for me has been ten times more difficult than finding a pediatrician for my kids (years & years ago). Dx’d in 2005 and on my third endo’s office. But – I now see the APRN in the office and she’s awesome. She was recommended by my Animas Rep. I travel just over an hour, but it’s been worth it.
    Do you have a PCP? Can he/she run an A1c and give you your insulin prescription?

    December 5, 2011 at 6:09 pm
  • Mike Hoskins says:

    I’m sorry your in that place, Sara. AS others have mentioned, it seems to be going around – same here. I’ve been avoiding my Endo for many months now, as an upcoming blog post on Wednesday will detail in full. But I’ve been inspired by others’ writing to deal with my avoidance issues and do what’s needed. Regardless of what my number is, and even if my A1c hasn’t changed, I still don’t feel like I want to and that’s what I think is/will continue to motivate me to “do better” (whatever that means). Not easy, though – as much as we say we can’t be “defined” by these numbers and do our best to not react, there’s that simple gut-reaction we have. It’s a work in progress. Always happy to chat things out, my friend.

    December 6, 2011 at 12:31 am
  • victoria says:

    I don’t have the answer either, but I know you will figure it out! And be proud of your A1c! Let it be an encourager to continue living well! Which doctor did you choose? The replacement or the old office with the same doc?

    December 6, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*